After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
