dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
