I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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