I'm so fucking centered right now
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
