Pregnant stripper...not hot.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
