Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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