I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
they're like a gay fantastic four
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
