the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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