I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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