meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
