im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
