Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
