I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
