and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
