I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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