Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
