the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm just crazy horny about you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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