tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i came on her dog
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
