I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
