Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize