Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
