he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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