It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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