I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
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I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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