I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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