Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
