im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
