I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
