wanna go halves on a baby?
Found your dick twin last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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