matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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