So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
