Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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