So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
