DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
