I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
