Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
