Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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