he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
