Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
