i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
