I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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