My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Please don't give away my fajitas
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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