My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
