I think I won the penis lottery.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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