So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
