it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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