Slut skills are useful in every country.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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