If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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