I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
