ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
if only i could text you this smell
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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