it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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