Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
