well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
