Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
