I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
