he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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