If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
