if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
