update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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