i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
