I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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