you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
