the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
two words...techno handjob
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
