now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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