Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
