I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
