I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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