Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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