so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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