i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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