Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
