I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
