weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
