Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
