he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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